☆（＾∀＾）ノ~~

It's kind of crazy to think about who I was and what I..felt..? when I was in high school (A.K.A freshmen/sophomore/maybe junior? year). Mainly, sophomore year is when I remember feeling completely sad..but then again, I don't remember specific moments or scenes of me being sad. I do remember feeling terrible about myself, but for some reason..no days come up. Perhaps it's because I have terrible memory. I rarely remember a childhood memory. People are always telling stories about their first day of actual school or how they fell off the swing in 4th grade, but me..nope. All I remember are useless names. Anyways, I recently watched a video that Hazel Hayes on YouTube made. I don't really like "relating" to well-known Internet people and don't like using their stuff for me..if that makes sense because I never know whether they're posting their story for views or not and whether it's real, BUT this one opened my eyes. Every month she makes a video on how her month went (I.E. I'm talking about her video on August, what she did, what happened during that month, etc.) and she explained that it was pretty bad. At the end of the video, she started talking about depression and it..hit me. When you're in that state of mind of anxiety and sadness and loneliness, etc., etc., you think you'll never get through it. You think you're alone. You think you're just going to fall off the Earth.  It's so difficult to make yourself go out and talk to people and remember that you're not actually alone. I haven't felt bad about myself in a while, thankfully, but watching that video made me realize something: I wasn't alone at those moments..and never will be. It just made me cry thinking about that. No matter what situation you are in...there are other people who understand what you're going through and just that thought is so beautiful and so comforting. It just feels so. damn. good. to realize that I wasn't the only one feeling that way and I was not crazy and all those tears were not lonely. There was one day that I do remember and will forever remember and it actually happened this year, I believe. The entire fucking day, I could not stop crying and could not stop being sad. Tears just kept falling, everything made me cry and it wasn't PMS, assholes, it was just me..being sad. My mom and sister stayed in the room with me and kept questioning me why I was crying and I had no answer whatsoever. I felt stupid and crazy and completely ridiculous and thinking about that just made it all worse. I just felt so so so alone. Thinking back on that day and connecting it with what Hazel said at the end of this video, just makes me cry. I wasn't alone, guys. I know someone out there has had a day like that and I may be better now, but that brings me so much joy and kind of answers my worries of whether that was just me experiencing it. So. Much. Joy. Anyways, I just wanted to talk about that. Remember you're not alone. Never.

OKAY BUT THE HOUSES IN SF!!!!! Every time I go out and explore, we always run into PINK houses and I just LOVE THEEEEMMM!!!! My dream is to live in one one day (even though they're hella expensive [using sf language, did u catch that, muahahahhah]). For as long as I live here, I will forever be posting pictures of houses, mainly pink ones. Why are they such a dream!?!?!?

Well, onto other things..I actually thought of this today, but I might want to be a doula? If ya don't know what that is, it's an assistant to a midwife and if ya don't know what that is, it's a person who helps pregnant women, before birth, during birth, or/and after birth. I want to be a social worker and I know they don't earn a lot, which got me thinking that maybe I should minor in something that can help me, maybe get a side job. While I was reading "Fixing Men", a book I gotta read for a class, the author talked about midwifes and that's when it hit me (with a little help of my genius sister)!!!! I can be a social worker and doula as side job, doesn't that sound so cool?!?!?! I just want to know when I leave this Earth that I did some good, that I helped ONE person. I know, I know, all college students want to "save the world," but y'know what?! LET ME SAVE THE WORLD!!!! Hahahaha, I may change my mind, but that's my future career for now. Now I just gotta figure out how I am going to graduate on time with an impacted major and a minor...man...

Adventure Update: I went to Dolores Park this past weekend and it wasn't as great as I expected it to be, bUT it was very pretty, perfect place for people watching (my favorite past time activity), and there were people selling edibles...at a park...me too, SF, me too. It's so crazy, if any of you have been to Haight, you'll know what I'm talking about. There are people just asking for weed or selling weed or smoking weed on the streets!!!!! It's not just Haight, but that's where it mostly happens, I think. It's such a different environment, it's so cool and weird, hahahha.

I also wanted to post this throwback because I miss this day and these guys (well three of them). This past week I thought about GAL-entine's Day and realized I can't spend it with them and maybe can't go all out on the party and the decorations and IT'S SO SAD!!! I just don't know if everyone will be as into it as I am. This day is so important guys!!!!! Anyways, I miss the people back home.

I want to start doing semi-weekly playlists because it seems so fun and I love making them so here's my first one!!! I think I'm just going to start off making them out of songs that I've been listening to lately and then move into themes once I get into the groove!! So heeerreeee ya go!!!

ƸӁƷ～ ヽ(･ᴗ･ヽ)

Ah well, it's been awhile (well for me). I hate that the only reason why I don't blog often is because I don't have the camera I want. I tried taking pictures with my friend's camera, but it just wasn't the same. Too complicated, since I didn't know how to really use it. Anyways, here's another life update, featuring stories, adventures, and friends:

Last week, my professor brought in a speaker talking about the disappearance of 43 college students in Ayotzinapa, Mexico. He mentioned there was a protest that was going to take place the following Saturday so my friends and I decided to go try raise awareness. The theory (or truth) of what happened to these students was that the Mexican government decided to kidnap them because they were the ones educating people, they were supposed to become teachers. The Mexican government clearly doesn't want their people to know more because they might rebel against them. That's just the gist of it, but everyone..please be aware that this is happening all over the world. Don't stay ignorant to the world and our people. Look at articles and talk about the with family and friends, social media even. Social media is such a huge platform nowadays, it can do so much. 

Aside from the negatives in the world...my friends and I made a girl group!!!! We're called 'Girl Smoothie' and we're here to...be...cute....hhahhahaha. We just made a group because we wanted to so we made an instagram (follow us 'girlsmoothie') and yeah. We haven't posted much, but we will!!!! We're just gonna post pictures of us or what we're doing or cool things we make, etc.

This chick is cool, I guess.

I think I've talked about this before, but oh do I love this school. They grow strawberries just randomly around the campus!!!!!! Look at this (I posted this on instagram, too, ahhaha follow me 'josselynalba')!!!!! Agh, the nature here is just so so so beautiful and cool and I just love it so much. I may be far from the library and certain buildings and the underground..but walking there isn't so bad when there's trees, different flowers and plants around that you can look at!!! Also, while on your way to the library, there's these fields of grass, where people either sleep, dance, hang out with friends, or do some weird shit. I've seen people throwing batons, doing this stay still thing that I forgot the name of, playing drums, etc., etc.

I found this "butts" button at Runaway Fest and I love it, ahahhaha. I also made a Girl Smoothie pin and it came out sorta cute, I just needed to make something before my brain exploded. I hadn't made some DIY stuff since I moved out because of different reasons and it made me so sad. I need to get back into my groove. I also made the pink one before I moved and the house one is one of the The Orwells buttons I bought at their concert!

We have this little family made up of two of my roommates, two of my home friends, one friend we made here, and ME. We always go out on Saturdays to explore the new city that we now live in and it's always so so so fun. It's quite lucky that I was able to get two roommates that I get along with and can actually hang out with, even with my home friends. The two below are pictures of us. 

San Francisco. What an interesting city I live in. You literally just have to take one underground to get to any place you want. I know I've still got a while, but I just wonder what city I'll end up in. L.A. seems too crazy and the distance between each place is way too large, but SF is 8 hours away from my family!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!! I don't know, Josselyn you still got a while..chill. 

If any of you are moving out soon or some sort of that, don't worry..everything will be fine. I honestly thought I would chicken out and not move out, but I actually did it. At some points, its been hard to get used to having to only have phone and facetime calls with my family, but exploring your new location is so FUN!!!!!! I hope you all are happy and I will be posting more because finishing this post has made my day better. I love talking on here, hahahha. =^^=

(OH P.S. I am asking my friends to make a 10 song playlist on their favorite songs of all time or right now. They all have pretty different music taste so, I think it'll be pretty diverse. I love listening to new music and I bet a lot of you like doing that, too, so perhaps you'll discover new music!!!!)