S.O.S.

I am finally back at school!!! And already pretty stressed out. I mean it's all good, just much more busier than last semester. Like..SO MUCH MORE. I got a job now and it drains me (so far) because it's working with kids and the program is much more different than my last experience. Definitely have so much to learn, but y'know I just gotta get used to the work that will be thrown at me. I have officially gone to all my classes, so no more anxiety on "who is in my class?!?!" "how many students will there be?!!?" "who's my professor?!?!?" "WHERE AM I!??!?!" So far, my classes seem pretty cool, but I realized I'm not taking any classes that involve controversial topics like last semester and that makes me sad because I learned SO much with them, but oh well, I'll learn other things the government thinks I need to know.
Here's a peek of my new wall that I set up after arriving at my dorm. I thought I would change it up a bit because I wasn't really feelin' my last look.

Let's talk about my goals for this year (if ya wanna know what I'm talking about read this pooossst:

• So far, I actually have been holding back and realizing when I get mad for stupid reasons. I tell myself it doesn't matter, it's dumb so forget it!! So far, so good!!
• I did get two more piercings on my ears so I am on my way to my "ear goal" hahahah
• did get my nose pierced and it's healing pretty good (for now)
• definitely crafted a lot over break, but gotta keep it up when I have real down time
• journaling is sort of hard...have to keep that in mind
• uhhhh, well it's my first week so I'll get back to that one
• always
• waaaaah nope not yet
• GOT A JOB!!!! AND IT'S HARD!!! gotta learn the ropes still
• that's probably for more later on in the year
• working on it, but yes I have bought a few more colorful items
• my literature class will make this one complete hahahaha
• ....working on Malcolm in the Middle...STILL TRYING
• I've posted more outfit pictures!!
• deleted my twitter!!!!
• SO FAR I AM VEGETARIAN!!!! so proud of myself 

And that's what I have so far. I actually am pretty proud of myself for all the work I have done over the last few weeks, but I definitely still have so much more to go.

With that being said, blogging is going to be a bit hard to do with each day being busy. It makes me upset, but it's something I have to push back a bit. Hopefully they all won't be life updates because little projects are always my number one, but for now work and school has been taking up space in my head. I hope you all are having fun and happy days and will talk soon!!! =^^=

OMYGOD!

I've done myself wrong once again. Looking back at what I wore this past week made me realize that I haven't been true to myself since moving to San Francisco. I think this is normal, but it sucks that I have taken a step back from myself. Since eighth grade I have been trying to find my own style and in high school I did that and I thought I had finished "renovating" myself from being the person I wanted to be (fashion wise). Y'know I've been educating myself and wearing whatever the hell I want, but when college started for some reason that stopped. Fashion is not a big deal, I know, but it is for me because it's how I truly express myself. Everybody has their own way of expressing themselves and fashion is one way that many people use to do that, including myself. I've always been a fan of wearing long dresses and not matching like..at all, but I stopped doing that once I moved. It's most likely because I went to a completely new city and wasn't comfortable with the new environment yet. I have lived in this small town for yeaaaarrrssss, knowing where everything is and what kind of people lived here, but when I moved 6 hours away, I didn't know anything, I didn't know what kind of people I would see and didn't know what my environment would be. And I guess that stopped me from continuing on the process of being myself. And that sucks. A LOT. Now I have to re-wire my brain to not be afraid of what people think and just wear whatever the hell I want. I'm back to THAT stage, like what the hell!!!!! This might be confusing, but at the same time, I still don't care about what people think. I'm able to do/wear what I want, but there's a certain style that I haven't worn over there, which is the outfit below and my last outfit post. This is what I actually LOOOVE to wear because it's so comfy and flowy and so fun. I love dressing like a grandma!!! So, when I go back, I'm gonna have to start being "brave" again and wear the damn dresses and skirts and mis-matched shit I want!!!!

So, in order to get back on track on being who I am, here's a few tips for my future self when I'm back in SF, and maybe you if ya need help on this!!

• WHO CARES!??!?! If someone is giving you a funny look, then that's their problem. 
• If someone is looking at you, stare at them back!!! It'll make them feel very uncomfortable, but make you feel like a million bucks.
• If your outfit is causing people to look at you, then you did your job at being creative.
• These people have nothing better to do than to think about YOU so that's cool! Thanks for thinking about me :-)
• This is YOUR life. Y-O-U-R life so why should you be spending your valuable time in holding you back from doing what you want.
• You will regret not being yourself in the future, whether it affects you drastically or not.
• Being yourself is so much fun!!!! So, why should you stop yourself from having fun?
• You've made some cool ass shit so of course you should wear it, are you kidding!?!?!?
• If you feel iffy about an outfit because it may be "too" much, YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOB. WEAR IT!!! That's what it's all about. Being or looking ridiculous is so fun so just do it!!!
• Look back at these outfits and remember how awesome you look!!!

 // top - The Smiths t-shirt from Amoeba // dress - thrifted // socks - Daiso // sandals - Nordstrom Rack // crystal necklace (if you can see it) - Palm Springs // 

Sigh. I'm very disappointed in myself. I feel like I knew this even when I was over there, but didn't want it to be real. Hopefully I become ~*~*fearless!*!**! again. I hope you all are comfortable with yourself and wear whatever you want no matter how "weird" it is because who cares honestly. Love you all and have a great Friday :-)

compliment your soul

One of the things I have been admiring lately is lyrics. Whether it's super cheesy, pretty detailed, or just a gREAT lyric. Best Coast has three songs because I have been loving them. Here are my favorite musical words lately and a few pictures that I created having the songs in them or just related to the songs:

BEST COAST - JEALOUSY

"We share the same cares

the same ideas.

why don't you like me?

what's with the jealousy?"

So, I feel like this lyric is just the epitome of teen crush!!! It's totally something I would think in high school and maybe even now??? The last few words is also awesome because she's then questioning herself, like "dude, why do I feel this way?!" which is what pretty much everyone thinks at some point in their life!!! I love lyrics that just explain a situation that everyone goes through.

BEST COAST- CALIFORNIA NIGHTS

"California nights,

make me feel so happy I could die."

I mean, c'mon. Pretty self explanatory. I LOVE CALIFORNIA!!!! Of course, I want to visit other states/countries, but I will forever live in this beautiful state. The weather is so perfect all the time and it's so diverse. It has everything I need in life. I would like to take a moment to thank my dad for deciding not to move to New York and instead staying here because thinking about living there kind of gives me anxiety hahahha, BUT I WOULD LOVE TO VISIT.

BEST COAST - HEAVEN SENT

"I just want you to know that I think that you are

heaven sent...."

I hope that one day I will be able to meet someone, doesn't have be in a lovey-dovey way, but that I can say this to. I'm on a mission to find this "heaven sent" person, it'll be tough, but there's someone out there that I can say this to, I know it.  But how beautiful would it be to be able to tell someone that they are heaven sent??!?! OR if someone told you that!?!?! I WOULD CRY.

GIRLPOOL - SLUTMOUTH

"I go to school everyday

just to be made a housewife one day

...

I go to work everyday

just to be slut shamed one day"

This song is about the fucked up side of society and it's a very strong lyric. It really sucks that this is true in so many lives. It's just..yeah, that happens to a lot of people and it's bullshit. Doesn't need much explanation.

FIDLAR - WEST COAST

"I'm so sick of this stupid place

It's so suburban and so boring

I should try and get a life

But I don't want that 9 to 5"

I think I've talked about this song before, but let's just focus on these lyrics. Some people are not meant for what the lyrics describe, most of them being musicians. For my entire life, and maybe yours, we've been told that this is the order your life has to go through: general education > college > marriage > kids > retirement > DIE. How boring does that sound (and kinda sad)?!?!?! (even though this will be my life, but let's hope I make it more interesting with my job/travels/people/etc.) I never realized until I started listening to FIDLAR that some people aren't meant for that life and at first that sounded insane (!!!!) to me, but then it all made sense. WE R ROBOTS. BEEP BOOP. We all basically live the same life!!!! C'mon, doesn't that sound a bit weird to you?!??!

THE GROWLERS - BLACK MEMORIES

"Pretending it will get better when you're not around

finally free but I'm lying to me

searching for the black memories

to show my heart what I need

but nothing puts me at ease"

The Growlers lost their house in a fire, which was where they recorded every album AND lost their drummer/friend the same year so this song is about that. The lyrics pretty much sums when you need to realize what has happened in order to get through it, but thinking about it just hurts even more so there's that feeling where you don't know what to do.

CHERRY GLAZERR - BLOODY BANDAID

"And I like you

And we can crack jokes about poo"

Okay, think of a classic show that you (and many others did too) used to watch all the time as a kid and have watched basically every episode. Since you can't give me your examples at the moment while I'm typing this, I will use mine: Spongebob Squarepants. My sister made this "critique" of how you know your relationship will be a good one or not. She said if you can talk about Spongebob (or your example) for an hour straight, then you've got a good one. Now it may sound ridiculous, but think about it for a second. IT MAKES SENSE!!! If ya can't talk about something completely weird like this, then c'mon what kinda relationship ya got?!?!? Hhahahahaha. This relates to the lyrics because this is a ridiculous (and gross) topic that someone can probably talk about for an hour and if they can find somebody else that can do that, too, YALL R A PERFECT MATCH. I'm tellin' ya, this is pure gold #relationshipgoals advice.

LEWIS WATSON - OUTGROW

"Remember when we were children,

We were just children, singing songs.

Passed down from your father,

Before we started, 

growing old." 

So this just entire song means a lot to me because it's not about relationships and love and stuff, but about growing up, which is something that scares me, family wise. Thinking about losing family members makes me want to drown in my tears because I could never live without them, but it's something everyone goes through. I wish I could stay home and spend all my time with them because of what will happen in the future, but clearly that's not reasonable. I used to always resent my parents because we never lived in a house and had our own yard, etc., just lived in an apartment, but now I realized that's really dumb because the relationship we built is much more important than where we lived. My parents were really good at keeping us (my siblings and I) grounded and were always there when we needed them. This song just reminds me of them and how we all get old and get lost in the stars, but that's O.K.

Aaaaaand yeah!!! Those are some of my favorite lyrics/songs. Here's the spotify playlist if you'd like to listen to them. Music has been an important part of my day lately and I've been trying to be more observant of the lyrics, it's really fun!!!! If ya read all of this, I love you. =^^=

something

I'm telling you, I LOVE cheesy stuff. Dumb teen/romantic movies, inspirational quotes/speeches, music lyrics, jokes, just everything!! I find them all so entertaining and fun and so simple, it's just great. I get so inspired when I'm watching a dumb youtube video and then all of a sudden the youtuber puts in an speech about them growing into the person they want to be or finally figuring out their purpose in life or something like that and I just LOVE it. Those teen movies that have the same plot as every other teen movie make me want to become that main character, in a positive way, for example, getting outfit inspiration from them or wanting to become more of an open person or needing a change, etc. I get so motivated by such simple things, and I absolutely love myself for that. Everyday if I just watch a youtube video it gives me energy to want to continue doing something or try something new, no matter what it is. Before typing this I watched a youtube video and just got the idea to write about my adoration towards cheesy things. Getting ideas for blogposts, even if it's just for a little paragraph, is SO fun for me because I get to express my brain in my own words without anyone telling me anything!! It's such a..rush for me, I can't get enough of this.

Here's an outfit of the daaay, celebrating me FIINNAALLLY getting my license!!!! 

// white long sleeve - thrifted // dress - thrifted // shoes - some knock-off shoe store // buttons - eBay, DIY gift, Burger Records, concert find //

This paragraph above kind of makes me think I'm a pretty passionate person. Whenever someone brings up a band or movie I love, I go absolutely crazy!!! Because I love things so much!!! I love talking about my views and my outfits and my collection of movies/music and I love introducing them all to people, it makes me want to scream (and I actually do scream)!!!! Since moving to SF and hanging with a (kinda) different group of people, I've been asked THE SAME question almost everyday, "WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING!?!?!?" And all I could is, "I DON'T KNOW, LEAVE ME BEEEE!!!" But now..I think I get why I scream (other than the family genetics), because of that passion. That passion of talking about Harry Potter and how to make buttons and how flippin' CCCUUTTTEEE that dress is. I can't get enough of the things I love!!!! And, again, I love myself for that. I love that I scream in the middle of conversations (even though my friends probably hate it). I love that I can talk about the things I love for HOURS on end. It's great. I bet this is most people, but noticing it has given me motivation. What are your passions!?!? What do you guys love!?!?! I would LOOVEEE to know!!!! =^^=

chamber of reflection

My childhood, and basically life, has been a complete blur. I don't know how people my age remember what they did when (for example)  9/11 happened (we were like..4). I don't have a lot of memories from kindergarten, elementary, middle, or even high school (I just graduated!!!). This might be bad for my future self, but let's get passed that.

There are a few moments I remember for some reason and one was in middle school. Middle school. Sixth grade was when I had a lot of friends, the only time I had "a lot" of friends. I felt ~**~*~cool~*~* and !!!!rebellious!!!! because I hung out with kids who wore their pants below their ass and would say cuss words (AWW SHIT). I clearly didn't fit in with them, but was pushed into their group because they were in all of my classes. Now here's the story. Choosing my outfits used to be such a burden for me before I realized how much I love clothes. It gave me a headache, like, everyday even though those outfits were so...simple. Anyways, I looked around at my classmates and people around school and realized something: HEY! A lot of these girls wear the same jacket everyday..I'm gonna start doing that!!!! And so I did. I wore it for around 3-4 days (yes, consecutively, I know, but according to my brain EVERYONE was doing that!!). Told by my friends, a group of my guy "friends" were talking about the "cute girls" in our grade and my name popped up. "Hey, do you think Josselyn is cute?" "I would say yes, but she has been wearing that jacket for like the whole week bro." FACE = RED. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!!! And yes, I was wearing it that same day. I didn't have an "appropriate" shirt underneath so I couldn't even take it off! The entire day I was so embarrassed and stayed away from that kid.

The reason I bring this up is because imagine 11-12 year old me trying to fit into this group (that I clearly didn't fit into, meaning we really had different views/lifestyle/I wasn't comfortable with them..ever) and then all of a sudden was completely embarrassed by all of them. I guess ever since I have been trying to fight being "the same as everybody else". I know, sounds bad, let me finish. Middle school was a tough time for me (brain-wise and friends-wise), I just wanted to be friends with the people that surrounded me, but clearly was proven wrong on doing that. Tavi in Rookie Yearbook Four talks about "THE OTHER" in October's Editor's Letter, explaining how people who TRY to be different are just judgmental because they start to reject people before they even get to know them because of simple facts they have learned of them. That's what I started doing, judging people by their fashion sense and music sense. This didn't stop until probably junior year of high school (I know..so bad). Was this because I was part of that "THE OTHER" group or because of that kid who judged me by clothes? Maybe a mixture of the two?

I really hate the fact that I wouldn't be friends with someone because of their music/fashion choices, that's so ridiculous and so...UGGHGHHH!!! Maybe I could've had great (more) friends in high school if I wasn't so "GET AWAY FROM ME IF U DONT LISTEN 2 SHE & HIM OR DA BEATLEZZZ. PLZ SHOO!!! WE ARENT MEANT 2 B FRIENDZ." That was my biggest issue in high school, thinking I can only be friends with people who are like me. I was distant from friends I could've been very close to just because of our different likes/dislikes.

This all leads to the idea of: CONFORMITY. Was I still trying to be different because of that kid? That ONE kid! OR, was this my path all along...? The world may never know. I guess the important part is the fact that I outgrew that and am a better (still learning) person. The conforming thing relates to it all because I had been fighting that idea and trying to be so obscure and """"""cool""""". But in reality, I was just being a pretentious asshole.

I'm not sure if these little memories are things that shaped the person I am today, I wouldn't be surprised if they did. I'm glad throughout these years I have opened my mind and become less of an asshole (still an asshole because of reasons...might explain that in a later post). I hope you all don't read this and let it define me because it's not the person I am today (hahahahah, wouldn't that be ironic though). Remember...your friends don't have to be just like you!!! Or your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner doesn't have be just like you!!! Respect, kindness, and love is all that really matters (ALL U NEED IS LOVE). This all may not make sense at the end, but it made sense in my head, hahaha. I have been wanting to doodle more so here's a few of them that are inspired by people you may know (some are easy, some are very hard, guess!!!) and the people around me. Thanks for stickin' around if you actually read through the whole thing and have a faaaantastic Friday!! =^^=

fading fast - 2015

My "new year" posts are always hella long so let's try to make this a short one.

2015 was the year I realized how important loving yourself is. It was the year I took SO MANY selfys because of the new fact I learned.

The year I tried spreading that.

...visited amazing locations, such as Salvation Mountain and Joshua Tree.

...just didn't give a shit about what anyone thought of me.

...realized how stupidly expensive disposable cameras are...even though I might buy one soon...

...rocked the hell out of denim on denim.

...watched Twin Peaks and fell in love with it.

...realized Justin Young is the man for me.

...realized how much I love taking pictures and editing them.

...GALentine's was a hit for the second time.

...watched the Office and never hated a character so much (Michael Scott) due to annoyance.

...cried for an entire day and didn't know why.

...got my nose pierced...and took it out.

...started listening to a completely different genre of music.

...realized the topic of "friends" is stupid and unnecessary for me to think about because I will be okay.

...made lava lamps and thai milk tea.

...went to my first concert that had a mosh pit and had the best time.

...joined a mosh pit and had THE BEST time.

...finally passed an AP test (two actually) and never felt more proud of myself.

...actually went to school dances + prom and realized I didn't miss anything throughout high school.

...grew out my pits.

...frickin' graduated high school!!!!

...decided what college I will attend.

... saw The Orwells, Twin Peaks, The Garden, FIDLAR, and went to Runaway Fest.

...my smart ass sister graduated from UCLA!!!

...got see my family from Georgia and had such a great time with them all.

...watched Friends and envied every single one of Rachel's outfits.

...started making embroideries.

...got over One Direction..completely..

...finally got cool ass clear glasses!!!!

...started "YOU".

...realized how much I LOOOVVEEEE High School Musical.

...started learning how to skate!

...my sister threw the most awesome surprise party eeevvveerrrr.

...MOVED AWAY!!!! TO SAN FRANCISCO!!!!!

...started college.

...made new (awesome) friends.

...explored my new city.

...Girl Smoothie was made.

...Tavi Gevinson tweeted me and I met her!!!!!

...got BANGS!

The year I started realizing who I was and what kind of person I want to be.

2015 was okay..because of the fact I started looking deeper into myself and looking at things in a different perspective. 2016 will be about growing and changing myself to the person I want to be. I will: 

• stop getting mad at the simplest things
• learn to let things go
• get the piercings I want in my ear
• get my nose pierced...again
• craft way more
• journal more in order to let my brain breath
• talk to my professors and get to know them and sit in the front of classes
• LEARN!!!!!
• buy my film camera that I've always wanted
• get a job and work hard at it
• do at least 3-4 jobs/internships
• make my wardrobe more colorful
• read more books
• watch more movies
• take more pictures of myself (meaning outfits and stuff)
• disconnect from social media (not including blogging of course)
• become vegan

For now, those are my resolutions. I wrote this post just so I can see what I've done in the past year and list what I will do this year. I'm determined to be much more productive and healthier. I hope you all had a great 2015, let's hope 2016 will bring great joy!!!