true affection

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My weekly blogpost resolution is going to be very tough. Because I want to get really good grades, I will now devote my time, hard-work, and HEART to do well. I have to learn how to balance blogging and school work, which means, posts that won't have original pictures and that aren't very creative/DIY and maybe short (like this one).
Anyways, enough with boring explanations, I wanted to talk about green. And nature. And good energy. And my class. I'm currently taking a California Culture class (I'm mean, are u even surpriiiiised) and I'm so excited about it. I'm hoping to learn a lot of details about California and its beauty. We're currently reading John Muir's My First Summer in the Sierra and it's kind of slow so far, but I really want to love it because he's a very important guy when it comes to nature. He's the owner of the Sierra Club and saved Yosemite AND Sequoia National Park!!!!!! #WOW!!!!!
Relating to nature, this morning my friends and I went skating (we're still learning) to a farmer's market and decided to take a lil adventure to Park Presidio, where we ended up at Fort Point and near Golden Gate Bridge. It was an amazing view and so goddamn refreshing. It's so important to go take a hike or a small walk around nature and greenery often. Plants have so much good energy, it's really good to surround yourself with it. Try to buy more plants for not only outside, but inside your room/place!! It'll surround you with positive energy (which sounds lame, but it's true)!! Explore your nearby greenery, especially when you're stressed. Take a lil break and breath in the nature. =^^=
MY FRIEND'S GOT ME THIS CUTE ASS BOARD FOR MY BDAY!!!!!

Nice Day For A Sulk

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I think it's important to have big goals. goals that you actually would really like to achieve, but may be hard. i'm trying to become more excited about the future, instead of scared so this is a good way to make becoming older more positive, instead of thinking about the wrinkles and the bills!!!

i currently have a few good big goals that i'd like my future self to achieve so here they are [plus some collages i made on my old planner so i wouldn't have to throw it away]:
1) I want to get my Master's degree. For those who don't know what that is, it's basically what you need to become a therapist, teacher, trainer, counselor, etc. It's two more years of college, after having to do four, meaning six years of school in total!! Not so exciting, but it will further my education, which is always good.
2) Relating to my Master's, I want to do it in a different state. I know. ME moving OUT OF California!?!??!?! I don't know what's wrong with me! This doesn't mean I don't LOVE California, of course I do. I just don't want to regret not being able to travel or live somewhere else when I have the chance. I'm on this huge high of traveling, which you'll be able to tell through these goals. It would just be so cool to experience another place for two years, and being on my own. Definitely out of my comfort zone, but in a VERY good way.
3) Also relating to my Masters, Ivy League (or just a REALLY good school). I want to be able to get my Master's degree at a school like UCLA, Columbia, NYU, Yale, I DON'T KNOW!! But I want it to be a far-fetched school. This semester has to be me getting straight A's, so that means LOTS and LOTS of studying in order for this goal to happen. It has always been a dream of mine to get into one of the top schools and I REALLY want to attend one to get my Master's.
4) Living on my own. This has been my oldest goal out of all of these. It would be so cool and fun to decorate my own place and just live independently. I was going to do this for two years, while getting my Master's, but because I want to live in another state, costs might be a problem. If I end up staying here, in California, I will most likely live by myself for two years.
5) Traveling every year. For my young years (lol), I want to go somewhere new every year, even if it's in state. It'll be a good way to go out and do new things and just GET TO KNOW THE WORLD!!! This year (drum roll plsssssss!!!!) I'M GOING TO EUROPE!!!!! More specifically, LONDON!!! It'll be my first time over there and I'M SO EXCITED!!!! If you guys have any ideas on what city my sister and I should go to or any fun activities, PLSSSS LET ME KNOW!! We each are making list and I want to get some good ones! I think we're also going to Paris, so just anything you can think of!!
6) Studying abroad. So, this is probably the closest one that will appear!! I am hopefully going to live in a different COUNTRY for a semester (4-5 months) and will be taking classes there. I still need to do more research and apply, but I would REALLY like to do it. Right now, I'm thinking it's between somewhere in Europe or Australia, so we shall see!!

Those are my top goals so far and it really is making me SO EXCITED for the future. I really hope I get to do some of these. Life has to be about taking chances and making new experiences, or else you may live in regret. It's so important to just go out there and DO WHAT U WANT!!! Make life fun!!!! You only have one (that we know of [unless you believe in reincarnation, which I totally do]). =^^=

the future

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I've been taught by a very good friend of mine to never invalidate your feelings. your feelings are important, no matter how small.


besides that, at this very moment, at 3:20 pm on a Wednesday, January 11th, I am having an existential crisis. and thinking about that is so silly and funny to me because i'm going to be a soon-to-be 20 year old?!?!?! I'M STILL SO YOUNG. what am i stressed about? especially right now, while i'm on winter break with NOTHING to do. i'm not a real adult yet. yes, i pay most of my bills myself and yes i do work, but i'm still not an adult? can u IMAGINE how it feels to deal with EVERYTHING yourself and having kids and having a mortgage and etc. etc. ETC.?!? my parents definitely still help me and support me in every way, even if it doesn't concern money. it's so weird to me that a lot of us, my age or around my age, have these moments where we're SO stressed out and so bugged out, even though we're still so young. we still have so much time to go through, even if it goes fast.
anyways, i thought i'd just let that out. but yeah ya heard it right, i'm turning 20 this month. partly sad, partly happy about it. let me explain:

a lot of my teenage years, i didn't know who i was and spent A LOT of time thinking about that. it was very unnecessary and overwhelming, which is partly why i started this blog. this blog helped me a lot about finding out what i liked and became my own person. the thing is, i only started having fun and being who i am probably around 16-17. so what was i doing between 13-16? worrying about what others thought. worrying about how many friends i had. worrying about what kind of person i was (which i really. didn't. know.). thinking back, eighth grade was one of my worst years, so far, because i got lost within myself and within my friend group. i was alone a lot.
moving on. it upsets me that i spent so much time trying SO HARD to be who i was, that i ended up not being who i was at all. i lost a lot of my teenage years because of that and started so late. i feel like i didn't/don't have enough time to be who i was/am as was/am a teenager. so turning twenty is really scary.
i know i'm still young and can do whatever i want, of course, but at the same time i feel like there's not enough time for me to do everything. i feel like i have to start acting as an adult, which is really not the case here. turning twenty is scaring me quite a bit, but i'm trying to remind myself that i'm still young. i can still do whatever i want to do. i can still do stupid things. for some reason it's hard for me to wrap my head around that // well, i'm turning another year older, which isn't a big deal....hahahah. =^^=

melting

I feel very uninspired.
I was looking through old pictures, and man have I changed. I don't know if it's a good change or a bad one. one little thing that has changed is me doing my makeup. I didn't put a lot, but I did eyeliner and mascara, and would sometimes use cool colored eyeliner. Now, I just put glitter, blush, and lipstick. Done. I can't tell if I had more confidence then, or now. I took a lot of selfys. A whoollleee ton and now, I don't take as much. I usually only take outfits pictures, but none of my actual face. I have no idea what changed. Maybe I care way less of how I look? but that's not really possible because I take my time choosing an outfit and making an effort. Again, less confidence? I feel like I've gained a lot of confidence since two years ago. Maybe I had more time to take real selfys? That might be a reason. Maybe it was high school judgements were being thrown at me? Also, another possibility.
Anyways, here's one picture from each photoshoot I've done. I'm hoping to do more this year because god, I really love looking back on these. Hopefully by looking at these, it will help my creative juices flow. ALSO, I think I'm going to try to blog every Sunday, so let's hope I can do it!!(I really appreciate all of my friends who were in numerous of these, sometimes it felt awkward, but you guys look BEAUTIFUL.) (also these are in chronological order, circa 2014-2016) =^^=

sea of years - 2016

this year, for me, was about growth. sounds lame, i know, but my mind keeps telling me to figure my shit out and to try harder at becoming a better person.

for some reason, when i was in middle school and high school, my mindset was to be a bitch because that's who i was. i hated everyone and was proud of it. called myself cynical all the time. that's probably true to this day, but i'm not quite proud of the way i would respond to things because of this mentality. so, this year was about that. to get rid of that mentality and i think i did do better. 2017 will definitely have more growth involved, but i've already started, which is awesome.

one of my 2016 resolutions was to let things go and stop getting so mad so quickly, which i think i've done a better job at. i think my 2016 was pretty active, but i hope 2017 is more productive so here's a few things i wanna work on:
1) goddamn it BLOG MORE (maybe set time aside to do it weekly?)
2) read more (as always)
3) try to gain a new skill or experience
4) be a bit more social and amiable
Anyway, here's a bit of what happened in 2016.
FYF was my first festival, ever, and it was so cool. Hopefully, maybe, maaaybbbeee, will go to more festivals this year.
Annual family camping trip. Always my favorite time of year. Let's hope we go to Yellowstone this year!!

First day of 2016.
Friends, friends, friends.
Galentine's Day 2016. Starting to plan this year :-)))


Wizarding World of Harry Potter finally opened and was such a dream (even though it's not ooohhhhh so great, btu it's really cool to feel like you're in Hogwarts and Hogsmeade)

Land's End. I got to visit a lot of nature this year and ugh, I LOVE IT!!!!! More of this, plzzzzzz, 2017.
I went to many shows this year and it was the best time ever.
Mexico. Probably my favorite memory of this year. My extended family is very complicated and very different compared to me, but it was so. damn. great. to be meet family members and be with my cousins and frickin' go to a new country!!!!! I loved it. So much.

Thanks, 2016, and to everyone who read my blog this year. Thanks to my family and friends who dealt with me. Hopefully, 2017 will be full of new places and new experiences.
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